I Understand
You took this dose willingly, then you came back for more. The emotions that had been conjured lured you back again and again. The thoughts you read, the words written, they all spoke to your soul. Hidden deep within you, you know there is a special connection. A bond that can never be broken, a deep mutual understanding.
Every intone taken personally, as if every message was written specially for you. All stories tailored made for your personal entertainment. Every written poem a sonnet of love devoted to you. You knew it was not true, but it was the fantasy that took flight.
It was the drug, you see.
Yes, it was the drug that stole from you your sight and will to self control. It was the fault of the drug, your misbehavior and lurid thoughts. You on your own would never act in such a manner. No, not you.
So you rationalize. Throw blame every way the wind blows, for how can you control your own heart? How can you control your thoughts? Why would you?
What is this drug, this emotion that makes your heart skip wild and hard, yet light and young? What is this called that makes your blood run through your veins as if it were pure and as young as a child? You feel lighter than air, and giddy with joy. It must be love.
It must be.
For you know you can not live without it. It drives you. It compels you. It demands your attention every minute of every day like a plague. You would give up all you have to possess it, to own it, to have it in your hands. You are devoted to it, like a sponsor to a cause. You can not let it go. Why should you let it go? Why would you?