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Original X-roads-2003
“Immortal?” I glanced at Jonothan in shock.
“You didn’t know that Assassin?” Sertoff hissed as he watched Jonothan closely.
“I’m an assassin not a SPY, Mercenary.” I shot back.
“For lovers, you two sure were close.” he scoffed.
I sighed and rolled my eyes, so maybe I didn’t know everything about him. Only proves my point, he would have hurt me in the end.
The world began to fade quickly, a bright light filed the air. Then there was sudden darkness. I felt strange, was I standing or floating? I can’t see anything, but I can feel myself.
I felt a gentle hand on my back, slowly it ran to my right shoulder where it rested. I felt warm all over, at ease, calm. I like this feeling, though I don’t experience it often.
“Don listen to him ma amie.” Jonothan moved closer to me. “He will fill yo’r head up wit lies. Jonothan never hurt you, never gonna either.”
I closed my eyes, I want to believe that, I really do. It’s just, I don’t. I’ve felt this way before, wanting to be there with him always. You could spend hours and hours just looking at him, his every word mesmerizes you. But you see, he acted like he loved me as well. And he didn’t. Maybe I’ll grow up to be one of those spinster-type-shrews, I don’t know. But I do know this, that bitter deathly tear that follows. That utter pain and despair, the feeling you are worthless, helpless. No longer wanting to live, the coldness. The years and years of coldness, no, I’m still not over the first one. Why would I do that to myself again, that would be stupid. I don’t love often, but I love deep which only makes the pain that much greater. “No, I don’t think so Jonothan.” I felt a tear in my eye, I blinked and bit the inside of my cheek. How could I feel pain? Already, imagine years from now.
“Jas, you know me.” he whispered softly. “For years it been you and I. When have I ever done you wrong?”
“Never.” I muttered. But I can’t make him understand. For three years my first never let on that he didn’t love me. Then the end of that third year he told me. Years later he returned, once again it was him and me. It lasted a short while. The pain never decreases no matter how many times he did it. And he did it quite a few times. Till finally whenever I saw him, all I saw was the pain. That made it easier to walk away, but to this day I love him. Still after all he’s done to me, ain’t that a kicker? So how can I tell Jonothan that I can’t go through that again? I can’t make him feel the pain I felt, that I still feel. Almost like this perpetual darkness.
“I know someone done you harm before.” he assured me. “Lemme fix it, make it all better.”
His lips landed on my left shoulder, a warmness rushed over me. I loved the feel of him, all of him, inside and out. Wait a minute, wasn’t I in a war? Weren’t Jonothan and Sertoff going to fight?
Jonothan raised up and whispered, “Relax ma amie. I’m not gonna hurt you.”
Yeah but that’s what I’m afraid of.