Though we sit so close together,
I just can not feel you.
Is this what’s called “Love Forever”,
Or is this something new?
Sometimes it seems we are so far apart,
But sometimes the opposite,
Why do I feel we are falling apart.
When together we sit?
1989
Flowers of love, tears of pain,
Life flashes again and again,
Pain and torture, lust and sin,
Death and destruction from within.
Who am I and where am I going?
Raindrops falling, kisses blowing,
Why all of the love going in the world,
And into a world of darkness I’m hurled.
I remember all the soft caresses,
Moonlit nights and pastel dresses.
Love’s warm and kiss and heartaches cold bite,
Crying myself to sleep at night.
Where are the flowers, do they still bloom?
Where is the love in this world of doom?
Talismans of hearts, candy of love,
Why did I lose the one sent from above?
The love so perfect, the love so real,
My heart was robbed, there was nothing to steal.
Robbed and shattered onto the floor,
In thousands of pieces maybe more.
Flowers of love, tears of pain,
It will never happen to me again.
Take my heart, no rip it out
Walk on me til I scream and shout
Don’t let me see stars in your eye
Can’t fall in love, I’ll make you cry
Fight with me, Terror wishes fulfilled
Can’t handle much more, once more grilled
Cast me in fire, watch my soul burn
As the anger continues, the world churn
I’m still in stiches because of you
For with all of our hatred there’s nothing to do
Fight for the Right, the right to be free
Fight for destruction, for the end of Me
You grab and you take, molest all in sight
For fear you celibrate, dance all through the night
And screaming for pity, will do no avail
Seduce them aboard, then take them to Hell
For sure I am better, I quicken my wit
In the depth of destruction, I move quick
And all of the sides will come crashing down
The fight continues on the debris filled ground
I’m still in stiches because of you
For with all of our Love there’s nothing to do
Our fear of approval, our fear of emotion
With no system of touch, the plan is in motion
But I’m still in stiches because of you
For you’d sewn me together and I came unglued.
5-15-97
There’s a shadow on the wall,
There’s screaming in the hall.
And up until just a moment ago,
Something I was supposed to know.
Standing in the Darkness.
My actions violent my words full of hate,
Caught in a prison I have to escape.
I wonder if things were ever clear,
Now that I am standing here.
Standing in the Darkness.
Wait for the Dark to envelope me,
Emotions gone and too blind to see.
There’s no dream no reason to rhyme,
For deep in the darkness there is no time.
Standing in the Darkness.
Eyes clouded over I hear a dark call,
The world around me has started to fall.
The entrance sealed shut from when I came in,
No key to the door, unless it’s a sin.
Standing in the Darkness.
My world has collided and smashed to the ground,
Fear, desperation, hate, anger, all without sound.
As the feelings I had seep somewhere outside,
I pay with my life for this dark, dark ride.
Standing in the Darkness.
2-10-97
You say my words are deceiving,
And I have no plan of leaving.
I tell you my life is a wreck,
Because sooner or later you check.
I sing a song of love so true,
Sung only the words for you.
Of how we were always meant to be,
Because sooner or later you look to see.
I show you the stars in my eyes,
I tell you not to listen to their lies.
I give you much more than you can bare,
Because sooner or later you long to share.
I flirt with you in victorious way,
Condemning you to a life of Stay.
And while in a corner you are shoved,
Because sooner or later you show me love.
3-6-98
The streets are empty, there’s nobody home,
The night is falling, alone I will roam.
I’m miles away from my family, got no friend,
This Life’s kicking me around, there is no End.
I glance at the stars, they’re shining bright,
There’s something in the air that’ll make it alright.
And you and me, we’ll make it through somehow,
The reason they hate us, we refused to Bow.
(Sometimes I feel like we’re all we’ve got,
Through all the battles that we have fought.
And it seems to me, you’re still the one,
Who stood by me, you are my Sun.)
It’s a lonely road I travel down today,
My traveling companion hasn’t much to say.
Out of the corner of my eye I see us play,
Some scene from our once younger day.
We’ve lost the effort, we’ve lost great time,
You can’t backtrack, it’s too hard a climb.
Stand in this space, we can resume where we were,
It takes little time to correct the blurs.
(chorus)
12-2-96
What is going on in here,
Why are my problems all but clear?
What is going on inside,
Why all the lies I’ve lied.
I want to be alone, inside myself,
But it wont happen, live in pelf.
Why do I have to force me to be,
Social and acceptable, see?
Why does it even matter now?
What triggered this and how?
Is it the suicide attempt,
Or because my life’s unkempt?
Why is it I want no help now?
Why do my friends have a cow?
I’m constantly changing anyway,
Maybe they’ll realize that someday.
1989
A single song, a single kiss
Who would’ve thought that I’d have missed.
That single song that moved my heart,
That single kiss that tore me apart.
You never know how lonely it seems,
Till you stare at your shattered dreams.
The dreams you thought they would come true,
But deep inside you really knew.
There was no way for it to be,
There was no one that could foresee.
And as that life goes passing by,
You wave to it and slowly sigh.
Farewell my life, my love to be,
Farewell the dreams that could not be.
Farewell the song that stole my heart,
Farewell the kiss that tore me apart.
For I will make another start,
And I will make another heart.
For a new song, and a new kiss,
And hope it turns out better than this.
1989
An empty void, a thousand people can not fill,
A quickened pain, that for a cure there is no pill.
A deep chill, to the bone for which no one can warm,
Aloneness so absolute, even among this swarm.
And still the silence draws on,
Until the wintered dawn.
Will they find me frozen here,
From the dampness of this chill?
A loss so costly, that no money can pay the bill,
A hunger so great, that it can never have it’s fill.
A look so lost, that it may never find a way,
aloneness so absolute, though there is a place to stay.
And still the silence draws on,
Until the wintered dawn.
Will they find me frozen here,
From the dampness of this chill?
Though my friends are many, and emotions deep and wide,
And in my silent solitude, I do run and hide.
Oh the feel of worthlessness, bitter and complete,
Aloneness so absolute, I only hear my heart beat.
And still the silence draws on,
Until the wintered dawn.
Will they find me frozen here,
From the dampness of this chill?
12-15-2001
She lay bereft of human feeling, deep inside the night,
Her heart lay broken, glittering shards, losing the fight.
Did he ever notice? Did he ever mourn?
Did he ever care for her? will he yet this morn?
Had not her eye cast upon, the ring as still she wept,
Then perhaps this tale could go on, but this is where she leapt.
The sorrow that collided, from this still ring of gold,
Was passed on undecided, to the next of kin and sold.
I have it here within my hand, the cause of her demise,
And i know that without me, her story would not rise.
So here’s to Love, oh parted one, here’s to blessings’ stage,
For once you had a heart, now you are words on a page.
9-27-2006