Author Archives: Arcane Cognition

About Arcane Cognition

I write what i see. I write what I know. I write what I feel. I do not write what i think.

Paranioa

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Cringing with a hunger from within,
Not knowing where it came in.
You think and think of what would quench it,
And decide the feeling is disappointment.
You think aloud “Where is he?
He’s certainly not where he said he’d be.”
But slowly the anger fades away,
And you think, “I’ll see him another day”
And then the thought “Maybe I wont…”,
“I’ll say I’m coming she’ll wait and I don’t.”
And then the thought “Maybe something’s happened?”
That’s when the anger slackens.
And then the thought “Who is he with, what’s he doing”
You feel your insides slowly unglueing.
The thought “If I find out what he did”,
If you don’t like it you’ll flip your lid.
“If he’s with another girl, I’ll be gone
He wont have me and will have to move on.”
And all this time he’s sound asleep,
And forgot you two were supposed to meet.

6-8-89

Paralyzed by Pain

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Here I sit and try to write,
I stare at the page so white.
Displayed on a moving screen,
a past of not so serene.

Clear my head, I know I must,
blow off this season of mistrust.
Clear my mind from what I seek,
for the chains that bind make me weak.
Trying to break a link in the chain,
the past too strong, I’m paralyzed by pain

Here I sit and try to dream,
I’m moved back to that dastardly screen.
I lived that life, it is the past,
burying it does not last.

Clear my head, why can’t I see,
the past becomes an undead zombie.
Clear my mind, when will I wake,
To stop counting each and every mistake.
It does not matter, again and again,
down I drown, paralyzed by pain.

Here I sit and try to wish,
my life had turned out better than this.
But the past will never let me go,
this damn ghost keeps stealing the show.

Clear my head, I know I must,
forget the lies and mistrust.
Clear my mind from what I seek,
before my future becomes too bleak.
And pick the lock that holds the chain,
that keeps me paralyzed by pain.

 

2010?

Once Upon A Time

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Pretty makeup i do not wear,
My thoughts inside i do not share.
I dreamt a dream once upon a time,
But now the verse has lost it’s rhyme.
They used to touch my long flowing hair,
Used to long for my love filled stare.
And now vacancy has taken it’s place,
As i watch like a spectator while others race.
There once was a hand to reach out for mine,
To hold me close, and say you are mine.
Though now it has turned to meaningless lust,
A child’s game, do i run or trust?
I dreamt a dream once upon a time,
But now the verse has lost it’s rhyme.
12-1-2001

Once I Was Loved

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Once i was loved,
I felt hands of passion embracing my skin,
Once i was loved,
But I’ll not feel it again.
The warm winter’s night, now fades into grey,
As i walk alone, the night into day.
Once i was loved,
I heard soft words fill my ears,
Once i was loved,
I’ll not see it for years.
And the candlelight’s glow, slowly burns out,
Where once was joy, is now without.
Once i was loved,
I had attention and unbounding joy,
Once i was loved,
Now i am another tossed aside toy.
And the sun that burned brightly, has now gone past sundown,
And the place that we built is now all rundown.
Once i was loved,
And it withered away
Once i was loved,
It would never stay.
And the tears that once fell, from bitter stained cheeks,
Now lay dry as bone, for desolate weeks.
I have cried a river, I screamed out in pain,
I desired for much, and I stood in the rain.
I called and I sighed,
I withered and cried.
Once i was loved,
But that love has died.
4-6-01

Not My Life

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There was never any reason,
The empty heart does not beat.
There is no pain where there is no Love.
Where once was a fool’s joy,
Now tears reside.
Why do you feel to feel only pain?
Was not ignorance bliss?
Why did you seek out emotions?
To feel..now how do you feel?
For not even loneliness hurts as bad as heartbreak.

2010?

No More

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There is no laughter in the hall,
There is no one I care to call.
You left me here all alone,
Knowing I’d be cold as stone.

The hell I raised, the life I lived,
Is gone now, just like I said.
Your good thoughts, and your good deeds,
Weren’t enough for all my needs.

I tried to fight a losing war,
Now it’s over, I am no more.
Wish you were here beside me,
That’s ok, it wasn’t meant to be.

My life’s so cold, as is my heart.
Shame it happened, I’m falling apart.
What can I do, what can I say,
It’ll return again someday.

And until then I think of you,
But it’s too late, nothing I can do.
When you return, I can not change,
It is so sad, I act so strange.

2/17/89

The New Times

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The new times are not kind to the soul,
The new times are unbearably cold.
The new times are unfriendly and silent,
The new times are at least unviolent.
The new times are mostly spent,
Wondering where all my time went.
The new times leave me speechless,
The new times have found my only weakness.
The new times were meant to clear the air,
The new times in which i alone share.
The new times are now the T.V. blaring,
Remembering the time I spent sharing.
The new times so full of fate,
The new times so full of hate.
The new times in silence i trust,
The new times this room is now hushed.
The new times I notice in here,
This room was once filled with cheer.
The new times no companionship in sight,
The new times I admit i now look a fright.
The new times locked inside four desperate walls,
The new times no way to get or make any calls.
The new times surely there must be an end,
So the old times can resume again.

(some time in the 90s but i don’t remember when – and yes i am aware there’s a word called nonviolent i meant to use unviolent)

Stillness in the Night

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Does it make you happy to believe that you brought me down,
When you sit in the night and there’s no one around.
Do your days make you happy, as the light’s on your face,
Til the shrouded night comes to your desolate place.

But you can’t run from the stillness in the night,
In the silence, in the solitude there is no light.
And the prayers of the innocent do not understand,
How one so alone, so violent can stand.

Do you believe it will change in magical view,
Will people gather around and worship you.
Does it make you happy to put them in their place,
When all along only you look you in the face.

But you can’t run away from the stillness of the night,
In the silence, in the solitude there is no light,
All the endless drone going on and on,
But you will never think you’re wrong.

No pity comes from the calls of help, no one is around,
In the depth of your weary days, when there is no sound.
Your mind’s all a clutter, there’s no way out,
Don’t bother yelling, there’s no one to hear your shout.

But you can’t run from the stillness in the night,
When there’s no one there to turn on the light.
I hope your anger will bring you joy,
As you keep to your lonely ploy.

7-24-97

There’s Never Anyone Here

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The skies are as gray as my eyes and my hope,
I’m drowning but no one will toss me a rope.
I’m yelling for help but there’s nobody here,
A parade goes by as the crowd does cheer.
But there’s no one here,
There’s never anyone here.
The raindrops fall like the tears of pain in my eyes,
But there’s always something that stops me from lies.
A siren calls out past the thunderous roar,
And the rain continues, it’s starting to pour.
But there’s no one here,
There’s never anyone here.
The wind whips the trees, the leaves fall like dreams,
I’m searching for answers but I don’t have the means.
And there’s always some thought in the back of my head,
As the rain still falls down, it’s like I have said.
But there’s no one here,
There’s never anyone here.
Look out the window, this rain is my tortured life,
This wind, this thunder, waiting for the lightning strike.
Wet and cold, damp and chilling, my heart does beat,
Though no longer are there any people on the street.
And there’s never anyone here,
Perhaps I should just disappear.
9-4-96

Neither

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In a daydream, weak and weary.
Through a Lifetime of Cajole and Leery.
Past a bridge unstable and unkempt,
Over a River of tears I’ve wept.
A soul that’s bruised, a heart that’s torn,
And still I watch them battle on.
I do not know for what they fight,
For either must know, neither is right.

July 11, 2010